Jesus Didn't Give Me What I Wanted

Up until that time, I had not prayed for anything harder.

Years ago, I wanted a job at an amazing camp in California. The actual job fit my gifts perfectly. The people in charge knew me really well and loved me. In my mind, because of the signs of promise all around me and my fervent prayers, this was a done deal.

I’ll never forget hearing from a random friend that someone else got the job.


Let down.

I thought this was surely Your will, God.

This was also the period when I wanted to pursue my mainstream music career, so maybe that’s what He wanted for me? But those doors weren’t opening up either. I was going to be jobless in a few weeks, and Hilary and I had rent due every month.

With 2 weeks left of my paycheck and insurance, Hilary had me go get checked out by my doctor one last time. That’s when it all hit the fan!

Cancer. Incurable Cancer. 5 years to live.

So there was that! Mariners Church (my employer and community) was such a beautiful representation of God in that season. They held both Hilary and I on staff and said work when you can, but get better! It was in that season that Jesus gave me a heart for leading His people to worship Him all week long. There’s no way that if all of these things had not happened, that I would be doing what I am doing today!

This often reminds me how creative Jesus is. How He works all things together for MY GOOD, even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it (rom 8). Think about Jesus’ first miracle, turning water into wine (john 2), or Jesus healing people with their own spit (john 9)... and the list goes on in both the New and Old Testament.

Can you look back and see His hand in your life? Are you in the middle of it right now? Here’s what we’re going to practice this week.

Breathe in: You Are God

Breathe out: You’ve Got This

I am so incredibly thankful that Jesus didn’t give me what I really really really wanted. He gave me what He knew was best for me and His Kingdom.